


We all have our demons.

by Babaloewa



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Implied Relationships, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:21:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27768217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Babaloewa/pseuds/Babaloewa
Summary: From the POV of Dean Winchester.Trigger warning for self harm. Don't read if you get easily triggered. I write these things because it gives me comfort as I've struggled with self harm myself.I don't mean to offend anyone, I'm sorry if I do. Stay safe everyone.
Relationships: Dean Winchester/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	We all have our demons.

“Hey, Ava. “ She gazes up at me, eyes unfocused. Blood is dripping out of the wounds onto the bathroom floor. A knife lies bloody beside her. It was the knife that Charlie gave her for Christmas. I tried to stay calm.

“Ava, hey. Can you hear me? “ she nods. “I’m going to get a bandage and help you okay? “ She seems a bit out of it,so I try to speak as soft but clear as I can. I walk quickly towards the kitchen, where me and Sam always have a first aid kit at the ready. I cannot understand why she did what she did, but I don’t have time to think about that now.

We took Ava in a couple of months before. Having met her on a hunt of vampires. She was badass, slicing the heads clean of without hesition. Ava was only recently in this line of business. Came in touch with it when her sister had disappeared. She doesn’t really speak about it, which I can understand.  
I get back to the bathroom and freeze in the doorway. I take in the scene before me, Ava is looking intently at the knife. Casually stroking it with two fingers as she seems entranced by it. 

“Hey. “  
My presence startles her. I walk towards her and slowly kneel down in front of her. Ava’s eyes move quickly from place to place. Her hand retracts from the knife and it seems that she isn’t really sure what’s going on right now. 

“You’re in the bunker. You’ve hurt yourself. I’m Dean and I am going to clean and bandage your arms. You are safe here. “ I try to be as gentle as I can as I move towards her. I clean her wounds with a damp towel, slowly rubbing away the blood that has tainted her arms red. Even though I have seen a lot of wounds and blood in my years, it catches me off guard that she has done this to herself. I find myself struggling to stay calm. Not because I’m mad, but because I’m worried. How could she do this to herself?

“I’m sorry”, her voice croaks a bit. It must’ve been a while since she spoke. 

I shake my head. “It’s okay. We’ll talk later. I’m not angry. Don’t worry okay? “ She looks me in my eyes, searching for some sort of validation? “You’re safe,” I say, giving her a soft smile. I hope I’m giving her te feeling like she can talk to me, but that I’m not judging her for doing this. Everybody has their demons. 

Taking out the bandages, she sits up a bit, enabling me to bandage her arms. She looks at them while I work, and i find myself wondering what’s going through her head.  
Soon, I’m finished. I help her get up, and together we stand for a bit to fight off any possible dizziness. I’m not sure how much blood she lost, but the bathroom floor is quite red, and her face is very white. I walk with her towards the living room. Unsure of what to say, I walk to the kitchen to make her some tea as she sits down. I’m tapping my fingers, now that she’s all bandaged up, I know that it’s time to talk. But I never dealt with this before and I’m worried about what I may hear.

The kettle is done. I make her her favourite tea and bring the mug towards her.  
“Thanks, “ Ava speaks softly as I hand her the mug. I sit down on the chair slightly across from her. Not really knowing what to say or do now.  
“You want to know why I did what I did I suppose? “ Her voice suddenly sounds very sharp, and I wonder if maybe I made her upset in any way.

“I mean, yeah I’m curious. But if you’re not ready to talk about it yet, that’s fine. “ Ava’s posture softens, and she’s gripping the mug tightly. She shrugs.

“I don’t know if I’m ever ready to talk about it, but you’ve found me, so I guess I owe you. “

“What would you owe me? An explanation? “ I ask.

“I suppose,” she grumbles. A silence follows. “It just gets very dark in my head sometimes. I need to open my skin to let the darkness out. “

I notice she says it very matter of factly. Ava looks down at her hands, stroking the bandage with a thumb.

“It’s a form of control? Euhm. “ She’s searching for the words. “Like, on a hunt I can get hurt, but than I’m not in control of what happens to me. When I do this, it’s punishment for the people I didn’t safe. Punishment for not being good, strong or fast enough. I need to let myself feel the pain, otherwise my mind is too much to handle. “

She looks at me, I’ve never seen her look so scared before. “What are you worried about? “ I question. There’s a pause.

“That you think I’m crazy. Or unfit to hunt. That you and Sam are going to kick me out for being fucked in the head, and I’ll be on my own again. “ Ava grips the mug even tighter. Her brows furrow, like she’s mad at herself for telling me this.

“We wouldn’t ever kick you out Ava. And i dont think you’re crazy. Hell. This line of business ain’t easy, I’d be surprised if any person would stay sane the entire time. We all have our moments where it gets too much. “

She looks at me. Hopeful. “You’re not lying? “ I shake my head.  
“Ava, everybody hs their demons. It’s about being stronger than them, but you haven’t failed if you fuck up once in a while. “  
“Thanks Dean. “ She says. I get up and take the mug from her hands. She stands up.

“You can always come and talk to me whenever you feel this way again, okay? I won’t judge you and I won’t get mad. “ I sy, pulling her into a hug. She holds me tight. I give her a kiss on the top of her head. “Don’t worry alright? It’s okay. “ I’m feeling some tension leave her body, and i hold her untill she feels ready to let go. A tear streaks her cheek, I brush it away briefly. “It’s gonna be okay. “


End file.
